This one goes out to Mervin and his advice when I was faced with a particularly frustrating time at office with endless work, terrible work timings and no rest :D. Yay! I made it out :). I came across this while trying to sort through the files on my laptop and I definitely didn’t want to lose it. So thank you again for being a wonderful friend-
Today I walk with the image of you by my side. Today I walk with a new idea in my mind. Today I am emboldened by your voice in my head. Today I walk with the thought that you have presented me. I know that sometimes we just lament to pretty much everyone we meet. But sometimes we are genuinely stuck and are seeking a way out. That solution comes from places and people who are with us. But when it is not time we just don’t tell them, though we have talked to the entire world. Today, I know that I will find a solution to my problem in a much smoother and effective manner than could have been found by me. Sometimes we just have to talk to a thousand people before we find a solution. The best people are not the ones who lend an ear, they are the ones who offer solutions and goad us towards trying them out. The best people are not ones who listen to your problems and present you with bigger problems in their life. Yesterday, I found out after some thought as to what a busy person means. And my greatest relief lies in the fact that it does not mean slaving away at office all the time. It means, keeping busy, mind and body in something that would result in an upliftment of the society or oneself. I miss so many things that are at a hands reach and are yet unavailable to me. So this is what I want for myself.
Still seeking a way to find my place in this beautiful world. Everything is vague but there is hope :).
Excerpts from July of 2017
Today is Guru Purnima. How cool is that sleeplessness and restlessness should have driven me to walk from my hostel to the mission office. The meaning of hope against hope is so clear. This is a message from the universe ;). Let me not be downcast and depressed for the lack of a mentor. Here I have with me the greatest of teachers. Here I have with me knowledge beyond the ages. Here I have a sign beyond all doubts. Here I stand on the shoulder of giants. I came across a quote today “What you meet in life is Destiny. How you meet it is free will”- Chinmaya. And today I am happy. Words cannot describe the emotions that clouded my mind the minute I saw Gurudev’s sign beyond the Vinayagar idol. A peace beyond what I could have ever hoped for. The security that I very much yearned for. What has not been given unto me. Today I feel complete.
A morning walk turned into a beautiful discovery…Chinmaya Padukakshetra, Dollars Layout, JP Nagar, Bangalore.
I must be a self-declared queen of procrastination. Even now as I am grappling with the decision that I will need to make in the next few days, I am procrastinating the most obvious thing to do. Introspection. I know that I cannot find a moment’s rest unless I were to sort out my own ideas and sit down with them. Instead, I keep pushing it away. Essentially, whiling away time. The stage is set, all I need to do is wait. Patience is a hard thing for me. But, nevertheless I do wait in a manner that can in no terms be called graceful. The pending decisions are a matter of an action plan once, the impending matter gets resolved. Today, I’m burning up with a fever and cold. But the mind is disturbed as it always is. It seems to be running towards everything on the outside. I had met Balaji sir and we now await the management’s decision on the fellowship. The project proposed is a very good one. A DST sponsored project is one worth giving one’s time to. JPF3 seems to be taking too long when it should have been long completed. A fast track one whose basic details are still undecided. I have no idea what I am doing with my life and even a single thing I want is going the way I may have envisioned it. It just sunk into my mind yesterday that I may soon be married. I had never really considered the gravity of the situation. I am terrified of too many things associated with the idea of getting hitched. Once the decision from the management comes through, I should plan for the next one almost immediately. And the fact that my career is dependent on marriage is one more concern. Yesterday, I did look up bridal skin care. No, not like another of my wild wild whims at any given time. This one had a bit more of a belongingness associated.